It's My Mom's Fault

My Mom is to blame.  Actually if you ask her I’ve blamed her for everything all my life (exaggeration), but this really IS her fault.  Moms are especially easy to blame, actually PARENTS really are at fault… Look what parents have done (or not done) in raising their children.  For generations and generations civilization has been rolling down hill.  Any generation could have stopped the madness, but you can see that not a single generation has stepped up to the plate to do anything about it, and every generation that has come before is the fault of the past generation.  It IS the parents fault.  

Come to think of it, I’m a parent too.  Everything hasn’t fully unfolded yet and the jury is still out, but I’m pretty sure at some point my kids will say “It’s my Mom’s fault”.  I’m pretty sure they are right as I’m a pretty screwed up individual.  At times I’ve went out of my way to screw up.  Not intentionally mind you, but I’m pretty good at it just the same.  When it comes down to it I suppose this entire phenomenon of society’s decline is due to multi-generational dysfunction.  Yep we are all dysfunctional in one way or another and some are more so than others.  I won’t tell you how high I rate on the dysfunction scale.  Let’s just say I have always been right there at the top of the class.

Enough about me…  I want to address the problems that are my Mom’s fault.

Blue eye shadow and red and I mean really, really red lipstick are my mom’s fault.  How?  Because she said I was too young for makeup.  Of course this sent me right to Rinks Bargain City with my allowance to buy the blue eye shadow crayon and bright red lipstick, promptly put it in my school bag and clean faced got on the bus each morning.  It was a mad dash to the restroom to apply my bright baby blue eye shadow crayon and red lipstick before school started and another mad dash back to the restroom to clean it all off before missing the school bus ride home.  Yep… it was her fault that a few of my peers made fun of my application techniques.  Of course what is a 5^th grader supposed to do when she can’t practice at home?  Yep, my clown face and rebellion against being told “no” were all her fault.

That was just the tip of the iceberg.  There were the Lilt Home Permanents that smelled like ammonia for days afterwards… I’d succumb to the desire to look like the girls in Teen Magazine  and ask for a perm… well knowing what would happen, but… Mom again didn’t say “no” and I paid the price by looking like I had a Brillo Pad on my head for a few weeks until it grew out and relaxed, and I got the fried ends trimmed off.  It wasn’t her technique, she knew what she was doing, but she also knew what Lilt Home Permanents did to your hair, and she gave me the perms anyway.  My Brillo-head was her fault.

Of course any time Mom said “no” I’d have to find away to do what “I” wanted to do anyway.  If she hadn’t said “no” there wouldn’t have been any problems, no rebellion, life would be good.  But… she said “no” so it was all her fault.

Then there were times when she actually encouraged me.  She didn’t have to say “no” because she was secretly plotting against me.  Either it was reverse psychology, or she genuinely hoped I would succeed.  So, with permission I’d jump into whatever I was being encouraged to do.  Of course that automatically made any and all failures I achieved her fault too.  After all, she encouraged me.  You would have thought that one of us would have figured it out, but nope… yet another generation of dysfunction that of course made it even easier to screw up my own kids.

You would think over time she and I would outgrow this cycle… I mean I’m nearly 47 years old, so you know we are both old enough to know better.  Somehow we still do a little bit of the same dance.  Over the last several years now my life has been flipped upside down in a succession of problems and of course it is my Mom’s fault.  I can be very dysfunctional without anyone’s help but Mom just has to encourage me…

When I came home from the workplace and was a full-time homemaker again she suggested I get a computer and get internet.  After a lengthy period I broke down and got a computer.  I became very proficient at playing solitaire… I did do a little genealogy, but it was mostly fun and games.  Eventually it did get boring though.  I pretty much let the computer collect dust for a while.  My life was pretty well as balanced as a bi-polar multi-generation dysfunctional person could be.

Mom couldn’t leave well enough alone… she forced me to break down and get internet.  I had no choice after all.  Solitaire had gotten boring and I didn’t have much else going on.  I was starting the homeschooling process with my youngest son and therefore I “needed” internet.  It is a miracle my son learned a single thing that year we did the homeschooling.  After all, there was a lot of stuff on the internet about homeschooling and I needed to become proficient enough to “teach” my son.  Somehow despite me he did get a diploma… it was hard I’m sure, but he can say with true conviction “It’s my Mom’s fault”.   Anyhow, I became an internet addict… and after a while it got kind of boring sitting there waiting for the voice to say “You’ve got mail”.  My inability to get up and do things rather than set in a chair with my hand on the mouse after all, was her fault.

Again, she couldn’t leave well enough alone and introduced me to facebook , it did take more encouragement on her part this time, after all my excessive internet use was her fault and I was a bit gun shy.  However, I finally succumbed to the prodding and entered the world of social networking.  Did you know you can access games on facebook?  Anyway, I got hooked on it.  It was her fault.

She talked me into starting a blog.  I have goals and high standards when I take on a task.  I spent every single day adding something new to my blog, writing, planning, and laying out, changing layouts, etc. for 3 whole months.  I never missed a daily post and occasionally there were 2 posts in one day.  This new project was quite time consuming, especially trying to keep up with my social network.  Now I’m juggling two things… It’s my Mom’s fault.

Did I mention there are games on facebook?

Again, she knowing I don’t do anything half way once I get involved with it… introduced me to Swag Bucks.  She hadn’t even joined herself but thought it would “be good for me” because I could make a little money while on the computer instead of being obsessed with my game ‘City of Wonder’ which took precedence over everything else, after all my crops and manufactured items needed tending to and life was on a timer.  I guess it was her guilt relieving attempt to get me out of my little wonder world and do something a little more useful with my life.  After all, facebook has games. Anyway, I had succeeded about as far as I could go with my city of Wonder… to the point that other people asked me for help on a regular basis and I gained the name of “Yoda of City of Wonder” from those I played the game with on this social network she introduced me to.  It was her fault.

Did I mention that at this point I didn’t have time to blog, and the blog died?   I got distracted with games on facebook.   It’s my Mom’s fault.

Anyway, I finally (after some prodding) decided to join Swag bucks and I shifted from gaming to swagging.  To reach my “personal” daily goal with my eyes glued to the prize (my personal favorite being Amazon.com gift cards) which I could trade these Swag Bucks for took a great deal of time.  Now Swag bucks is only as time consuming as you want it to be… but I don’t do things half-way.   I left City of Wonder for “SwagNation”.  My goals were high and it requires time, a lot of time.  I after all had goals.  All this time spent making my way to my goals caused neglect in other areas of my life (again).  It is my Mom’s fault.

I was starting to get ‘leveled out’ and find a little more time – after all, I don’t do anything half way and once I figured this Swag Bucks thing out I was able to reduce the amount of time I spent on it a wee bit.  I went and started this blog (the old one wasn’t “good enough” for my high standards).  It had been months since I wrote anything, but off I went.  Social networking, Swagging, and blogging… my life was pretty full... thanks to my Mom.

Mom just can’t leave well enough alone though… somehow I ended up on Pinterest.   So I now find myself trying to balance social networking, swagging, blogging, and Pinterest and it’s now 5:00 in the morning and I've pried myself away from Pinterest long enough to write something for my blog before I go to bed… IF I go to bed.  Of course the side effect of one of my medications is insomnia which gives me even more time for my virtual world.  Dear husband will be up in a couple of hours… I may decide to try and fry him an egg if I’m not in a self induced into a coma by then.

Anyway… I have found Pinterest and I can’t stop.  I don’t know if there is a Pinterest Anonymous yet or not, if not there probably should be, I know I am not alone in this sick addiction.  I’m juggling a lot of things in my virtual life now.  It is very annoying to have to stop from time to time to do a load of laundry or fix something to eat.  I’ve got things to do, I've got things to pin. There are new things to get Pinterested in, and I must continue to Swag as I have found it’s a good way for me to build up enough to buy things we need, and a gift or two that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to do.  Life is FULL.  I am thankful my medication has the side effect of insomnia or I’d never get to a point where I can stop long enough to close my eyes in get some Zzzz’s on occasion.  I wouldn’t be in this virtual mess however if it hadn’t been for my Mom’s well intended encouragement.  Reality being what it is (and I don’t like it much – virtual is much better in my opinion) I have to tell the truth.  All of this is my Mom’s fault.

Yeah, right.

Shout It Out!

When I was a kid Mom always used Tide.  It did the best job then and it does the best job now.  It always has and probably always will.  The only probably with Tide is you have to get a loan from the bank to buy it.  So it is with most other name brand laundry detergent these days, so I use a not so well known brand.  It does a good job too.  I’m satisfied with it and I don’t need to see the guy at the bank and fill out all the paperwork and have a credit check done.

When I was a kid a lot of new laundry products came out.  I remember Era came out and it had ‘enzymes’ in it.  I never heard of enzymes before.  They did this really cool demonstration of pouring the detergent on grass stains and it made it go away.  Come to think of it, I think they still use it in the ad along with some other stuff, or another detergent borrowed the concept for their own advertizing demonstration, anyway… I get confused; after all they all pretty much are the same once you step down from Tide.  The really cool thing that came out though was this spray on pre-wash stain remover stuff called Spray’n’Wash, along with Shout and another brand or two.  The cool thing about them is that on a lot of stuff they actually work, or at least helped to a degree.  Here lies my problem.

I married this man who thinks Spray’n’Wash and all its counterparts can remove any stain anywhere at any time.  In reality it ain’t so Joe.  Every woman knows that once a piece of clothing has gone through the dryer that stain is baked on and ain’t coming off with a crowbar or a power sander, end of story.  This man of mine for some reason thinks that the stains he got on his work jeans before we got married are my fault because I “don’t know how to do laundry”.  Yep… he said it… I “don’t know how to do laundry”.  I’m picking out his casket tomorrow.

This is not the first time we have had this “discussion”.  TJ has actually come out of his room on one occasion and told us to stop “fighting”.  I think this is the only thing in our marriage we’ve ever raised our voices about… well, on a weekly basis anyway.

On our final “discussion” of this topic I was “told” that “from now on there were to be no ‘new’ stains on top of the old stains”.  He was promptly told not to put any new stains on top of the old ones and I handed him his very own can of “SHOUT”.  It is his very own can.  He gets to keep it on his very own dresser on his very own side of the bed.  He gets to spray his very own stains and put his very own clothes in his very own hamper.  If he gets a stain on his very own clothes he can SHOUT IT OUT!

The Obedient Child

Some kids are more obedient than others.  Trust me; raising three boys, I know this stuff.  I have one that is hell bent on defiance with a flair, usually drawing great applause from whatever audience he has, and another one that is hell bent on defiance not just for the outlandishness of it all, but to put on a good show adding a great punchline at the end evoking side splitting laughter. I suppose part of this flair added to the defiance is to somehow keep Mom from murdering them in cold blood. Then there is the obedient child.  He can be rebellious, don’t misunderstand.  He also has a stubborn streak a mile wide, but of the three, when he was younger, before his full blown defiance set in with a vengeance he was the most obedient of the three of these characters I call my sons.

It’s not that he was perfect.  You can bet if his two older brothers were into something he wasn’t too far behind them, but the age difference seemed to help keep him out of more serious transgressions than it did them.  Every now and then though my obedient child would find himself grounded.  This was absolute torture for the youngest child who wanted nothing more than to tag along with his older brothers who constantly told him “you’re too little”.  Those three words just seem to make a kid all the more anxious to participate. 

On one such occasion my obedient child found himself grounded and his brothers were about to go off on another adventure.  In addition to being told once again that “you’re too little” by them, the ‘mean ol’ mom’ also said he couldn’t go.  This really upset my obedient child.  He stomped off into his room and gathered a few of his treasures and went out the front door slamming it behind him. 

His brothers were out on the front porch, but when I heard the door slam I promptly stopped doing whatever it was I was doing and went after this obedient cild of mine.  He was about half a block down the street.  I said “Where do you think you are going?”  He turned and spitefully replied, “I’m running away and you can’t stop me!”  I said his full name “you get back here right now!” he in turn said ‘NO!”  I'm pretty sure he meant that with every fiber of his being... for the first time in his entire life he was really talking back to Mom.

My hilarious outlandish child reminded me that my obedient child was supposed to be grounded as he and my defiant child were about to crack up on the porch, of course they thought the whole thing was funny.  You can only imagine how humorous the two clowns in the porch swing thought this was.  I then yelled to my obedient child who had turned his back and once again started down the street… “You get back here right now mister… did you forget you’re grounded and not supposed to leave this yard?” I yelled from the front steps.  Mr. Outlandish and Mr. Defiant piped in and both said, “Yeah! You’re grounded!” while elbowing each other and trying not to laugh.

My poor little obedient child, remembering he was grounded was now defeated.  What else could he do? The poor little guy just turned around and came back home. 

My obedient child will hear "You can't run away... you're grounded!" from his two brothers as long as he lives.

This is the pay off for being the obedient child.

What Happens When a Girl Gets Older

Yes.  I've come to the point of NO return.  Middle age. I've fought it a long time.  I realized life was coming to a close lets say "approximately" a decade ago when I turned 35. 

35 was depressing to me.  I figured life was half over after all when people hit 70 they were too old to do much anyway.  I had just left a job at a retirement community, so I had only seen the "down side" of 70+ for the most part.  Yep.  life was half over.  Yay me.

Life never stays the same or turns out like you think it will and within just a few months of my 35th birthday I could say YAY me! With a bit more gusto.  But also during that time weird things happened to me and I ended up having the dreaded partial hysterectomy.

I know hormones serve a purpose and there is a natural rhythm and flow to life.  It's the way things are just meant to be.  But... a hysterectomy messes all of that up in a big, big way.  It whacked me upside the head and took me by surprise.  I didn't think about asking questions, nor did my doctor offer any information.  He told me there is "this problem" and "this solution" and I said "okay, let’s do this", and just like that it was a done deal.

Night sweats.

Hot flashes.

Need I say more?

This went on for a short while and of course there is a pill for everything.  Okay, I'm open to that.  Then there's this thing with a family history of breast cancer.  A very close and serious history.  Well, I guess I'll skip the pills.

So, hot flashes became a regular thing.  Night sweats too.

Weight gain.  Like I needed more of that.  Who doesn't?  You would think chocolate cravings go away.  Let me tell you, they don't.  The effects are harder to get rid of too.

But worse than all that was the mustache.  Nobody told me I'd get a mustache!  Great, Sally Hansen and I have to be intimate friends now.  I'd rather choose my own friends rather than have them thrust upon me.  But what choice does a girl have?  It's that or the "Just for Men" for the mustache/beard thing... but that's just for men, which I'm not.  They probably would card me at the check out if I tried to buy that stuff and it probably would not give the results a woman would want.  Nope.  Sally Hansen would HAVE to be my friend.

Sometimes the hormonal symptoms a woman can endure are super human.  It is no wonder you see more and more women committing heinous crimes.  They just can't take it anymore.  Juries should have more compassion.  Our prisons are overcrowded anyway.

Then at almost age 45... Yep.  10 years of this.  I had endured all I could and finally gave into the expensive natural hormone cream that I had fought against for a long time due to the expense and lack of faith that ANYTHING truly would help.

Wallah!

No more hot flashes.  No more night sweats.  Cool.  No, seriously.  Cool.

I wasn't really paying attention, but that chocolate craving kind of let up and so did a few pounds.  But what really got me was I didn't have to hang out as frequently with Sally anymore!  This is so awesome.  I really don't like her.  I just endure her company.  I also didn't need to shave my legs as often, hardly ever!  This is really good because there never seems to be enough hot water to do that when I take a shower anyway.  Oh I like this!

I like this hormone cream.  I'm starting to justify the expense now.

At 46, suddenly my eyesight started to go.  What the heck?  I went from reading glasses to tri-focals!  My vanity isn't happy about it but am I to literally fumble through life blindly?  I asked my doctor if one of my medications could be causing it since it seemed so sudden and he laughed. He laughed! He said "No, I think there's a few more rings around the tree".  Ahhhh... I'm getting old.  Thanks doc.  I was trying not to notice.  Let alone have anyone else notice.

Well.  I got my glasses. 

Ya know what?  It's amazing what you can see with new glasses.   Hmmm... missed that one.

I shaved my legs.

I Have a Plan

I have been vegetating in front of the computer for quite some time now, for a couple of reasons mainly physical immobility, chronic pain, depression and… boredom.  Over the past year and a half I have been focused on one area or another quite religiously… maybe fanatically in some cases.  Hey, when you don’t feel  like getting up and dancing and your home pretty much runs itself (with some guidance of course) there’s not much else to do the majority of the time

. 

I had always been very careful of my internet usage since my wireless plan (broadband) had a limit as to how much I could use without breaking the bank… Out of pure frustration with that and the limits  that were set, I went out in search of a better way.  Eventually I decided on DSL.  For the most part I am very content with my choice.  The only drawback is when I travel.  Broadband wireless cards are great for travel.  Anyway, since I don’t go many places and when I do the trips are very short I figure I can live without it for temporary occasions, although not always a happy camper about it, I live through it as best as I can.

Recently a storm caused me to lose my DSL for 3 days.  Somehow we (hubby and I) both lived as I didn’t kill him with my spare time and boredom… he found it best to stay outside as much as he could.  He is slowly learning to not interfere with a discontent menopausal woman.  When the repairman left and had DSL up and running again he peeked inside the house and asked if everything was working okay before he would come inside.  Is there something about a discontent menopausal woman that scares a 6ft. 285lb. man?  You betcha!

See, I seem to go from one obsession to another and when such a “passion” is being pursued it is best not to interrupt and wake the sleeping monster inside.  It started out with a simple blog – and I do mean simple.  I had never blogged before and was on my own to figure out how to set up a page with templates, etc.  Then I obsessively wrote things for my blog (you are now getting some of my best works interspersed with my ongoing brilliance).  I had more entries ready to post than I actually added to my blog as I had decided I’d never post more than once a day.  Needless to say, after 3-4 months I dwindled away to other important ventures…

Then, I built a city… It was magnificent and I longed to live there, even if it did require managing a factory, car dealership, electronics & department stores, a vineyard and an industrial farm.  There were gardens, water fountains, museums, theaters and fast food restaurants.  My city was so magnificent that the US govt. felt impressed to move the White House, Pentagon and a few other key buildings to my city, even the UN also decided it was a good idea.  After all, this city was beautiful and had it all.  It only took me a little over 1,100 hours (might be an underestimate) to build such a fabulous place to reside.  Ahhh… my own fantasy world where money was no object and life was good considering sometimes reality truly does suck.

Fantasy rarely  lasts forever though.  Due to circumstances beyond my control (I’m internet challenged - okay, so I was in control), I somehow managed to permanently delete my facebook account while trying to keep up with the never ending chaos of privacy and security settings.  Needless to say I set my privacy & security settings so high that even I couldn’t breech them despite knowing the password.  In the process my city was forever deleted.  Did I mention that reality sometimes sucks?  That is what happens when you access games through your facebook account and you have no clue of what else you are doing on the computer.

I set up a new facebook account.  In reality it was a good way to clear out my friends list from people I didn’t personally know except through the gaming community.  Mind you, I did keep a few of my gaming friends… just because they are wonderful people I developed friendships with over the course of building my own wonderful reality in its entire splendor.   I was very disappointed not to regain access to this place of mental refuge.  I suppose it is gone much like the Lost City of Gold, and other ancient civilizations.  Thus I needed a new avenue to pursue…

I was then introduced to Swag Bucks, an online rewards system where by doing menial things at the computer (most of which I already did) I could earn swag bucks.  Swag bucks can be redeemed for real life stuff.  I have become very good at gathering these swag bucks.  I cashed in (continue to cash in) for such goodies as amazon.com gift cards – my favorite, although there are many other things to cash those swag dollars in on.  Since January I have acquired enough swag bucks to cash in those amazon cards and buy my youngest son and his sweet wife a wedding gift, I replaced our cordless phone with one that didn’t interfere with wifi and has two handsets, and a new kitchen faucet (my husband loved me buying him such a project).  I have yet to actually get something for myself and now my middle son is getting married soon and I will need a wedding gift for him and his bride. BTW… you can join me at Swag Bucks at http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/t8ergrl  I’d love the company and you’ll love the rewards.

When I do something I do it wholeheartedly and such as it has been with these ventures.  For over a year now the only time my wireless mouse has not been in my hand is for necessary ventures to doctors, grocery stores and Church, oh, and necessary bodily functions.   That may be a tiny bit of an exaggeration but not by much.  

I have found myself in need of these distractions for the last year or two however.  Immobility issues are no picnic on their own, couple it with menopause and my last one leaving the nest has not been easy by any means.  I don’t think if it had been for these distractions my husband would have lived, or let me live (whichever the case might be).  Somehow I have found a wee bit of sanity and solace by staying occupied in things that demand great attention to detail since the nest has emptied and the hormones have played tricks on my mind.  I know I need to get out of my chair and actually live my life beyond the keyboard and mouse… I also know when other people reiterate what I already know myself it kind of burns my britches a bit.  I figure everything in its own time and I don’t need someone else to push me off a cliff no matter how well meaning they might be... after all, I AM old enough to be menopausal.

I’’m trying to find a bit of balance in my life, even if it is only a virtual one at the moment.  I am actually learning to obsess about more than one thing at a time… That is actually better than the other multi-tasking I do of sneezing and peeing at the same time.   

I have began blogging again… this time having a few more computer skills than before and was finally able to design a blog that is more fitting to me than a cookie cutter one.  I’ve found it quite interesting actually… just the mechanics alone.

I am continuing on with Swag Bucks on a daily basis, not with quite the amount of 24/7 gusto as before, but I have found a steady pace that seems more realistic and allows for a few other things in my life (even if they are mostly virtual).

A dear loved one made the mistake of introducing me to Pinterest… Yep, yet another obsession, but in a good way.  Pinterest has opened my eyes to things I was previously passionate about and just put on the back burner or forgot about altogether.  It has been an amazing eye opener to possibilities I hadn’t even thought of… real things to be passionate about.  It has also re-ignited the passion of going to yard sales when mobility allows, to feed the obsessions and passions of hobbies I forgot about or never even considered before.

I had forgotten about how much there was inside myself a passion to create and collect and learn new things.  I forgot how much I loved things like tea cups and craft ideas that I can’t say “been there done that” about.  I forgot how when I was a kid we made jewelry and other things from silverware.  I forgot all the possibilities a mason jar possesses.  I forgot there were things I wanted to learn how to do and things I want to make. 

 Pinterest has helped me to remember things that I otherwise would have never re-visited them, or considered them at all.  I actually have a real desire to do something’s, things I can do despite those days when mobility issues stop me from doing others.  I am actually looking forward to a few things I have discovered.  

Some of these things require a reigniting of my passion for yard sales on days when I am mobile enough and have a few quarters in my pocket, however… I am now on a mission.  Rather than just the random purchases I’ve made so long, I have specific things to look for.  I have a purpose and a ‘shopping list’ if you will.  See, now I have plans… something that hasn’t happened for years.   

Yep, I have plans.