Necessary Losses & Unexpected Gains

The last few months have caused some major changes in my family.  In May my brother-in-law passed away unexpectedly.  This was very hard for all of us and of course harder on my sister-in-law and my nieces than anyone else.  He had some health problems for a while now but it was still very sudden, and a shock to all of us.  He was a really good guy with a heart of gold and we all miss him.  It has been hard on my dear husband to lose his only sibling.  Although I’ve been through it myself I’m not sure that I am a great comfort to him because I tend to compartmentalize things in my life in order to cope.  I try to comfort him but I haven’t dealt with my own grief when I lost my own brother and only sibling 12 years ago.  Gratefully he was on good terms with his brother and they had just had a really good visit a few days before his unexpected passing.

My dear sister-in-law has been overwhelmed with grief and taking on the family business single-handedly as well as dealing with probate.  Bless her heart; I just want to hug her.  My heart breaks for her.

My dear mother-in-law has been bed ridden for about 2 years now and has been living in her home with caregivers.  She has always been a fighter and had overcome some very serious conditions unheard of for a woman of her age.  She and I had a misunderstanding a few years ago and for 2 yrs she didn’t speak to me.  I didn’t cause the problem, she was just angry about something she and another dear one to me didn’t see eye to eye about and decided it was easier to take it all out on me than address the issue head on and straighten it out with our mutual loved one.  I wasn’t a happy camper myself during that time I’m ashamed to say, but one day I realized that it wasn’t worth staying upset about, even though it really wasn’t my fault and I decided that I was going to face her and let her get this perceived wrong out of her system.  So I did.  She needed to vent before she finally felt she could say “I’m glad we’ve patched this up”, and that was that.  I suppose that was all she really needed; to vent and my giving her the opportunity to do so made it all better. That was over two years ago and she and I resumed our relationship where we had left off before all of the drama and have been on good terms ever since.  I knew I wasn’t at fault and the blame and anger had been misplaced, but I felt it very important to let her “win” at her age. 

It wasn’t good for either of us to be on the outs, angry and upset all of that time and it certainly didn’t need to continue another day.  I didn’t want what happened between another loved one to happen between us and I wanted to be sure that at her age we could both have peace about it when her final day with us would eventually come.  It’s a hard thing to lose a loved one when a disagreement hadn’t been settled between the two of you.  It wasn’t going to happen this time if I had anything to do with it.  Gratefully she and I have had a good relationship ever since.

A little less than 2 weeks ago her condition took a drastic turn for the worse and she was hospitalized.  We hoped she would pull out of it like she always had before, but we knew something was just different about it this time.  Within a couple days she became unresponsive to us and things took an even worse turn and hospice was called in.  Mother always wanted to die at home and we did our very best to honor that wish.  We took her home on Monday afternoon and she passed in her sleep the following day.

This is a fresh wound to our family since we just lost my brother-in-law less than 2 months ago.  It has been especially hard on my dear husband and my sister-in-law.  My sister-in-law was very, very close to Mother and she has already been enveloped in the grief at losing her husband so recently.  Now she must deal with probate in both cases since she was appointed by Mother to be her Personal Representative.  I’m sure she is beyond overwhelmed by all of this. 

My sweet husband became an only survivor of his family and keeps saying “I’m the only one left”.  I know he grieves his brother a great deal and now has lost his mother making his feelings of loss so great.  He says that the family name will die with him since both he and my brother-in-law have no sons, just beautiful daughters, and although he considers his step-sons his own sons the family name doesn’t carry on with them.  This makes for a very lonely grief.  I know that this is to be the case with me one day in the future too, but I’m not sure how to comfort him in this.

On a more positive note however, our family has grown a great deal since March when we gained a new daughter-in-law when our youngest son eloped.  She is such a sweet girl too.  Less than 3 weeks later we had the happy occasion of having a beautiful grand-daughter come into this world and light up our world with sunshine.  But this is not all... We were recently surprised by the announcement of our middle son that he was going to get married, and we now not only have another beautiful daughter-in-law but a new 2 year old grandson.  All our boys are married now and we now have 3 grandchildren from them.

I already miss my Mother-in-law even though it’s only been a few short days since her passing.  I can say unequivocally that she spread her rose petals in this life and greatly touched the lives of many.  She made a difference.

I miss my brother-in-law too.  He was a great service to our country, a wonderful father and grandfather and he too touched many, many lives.  His sweet wife and he together built a life and a legacy for their posterity.  His example of charity and kindness is his legacy to us and he made a difference for so many people.

In less than 4 months we have gained 4 beautiful family members & sadly lost 2.  We have been blessed in so many ways with the people in our lives.  Thankfully we have the peace of knowing that families really are forever and ours despite some temporary losses our family circle has grown a great deal in a short period of time.

I know that we all suffer losses in our lives and I’ve lost a sweet brother, brother-in-law and mother-in-law who have all touched my life in remarkable ways, whether they knew it or not. I am so thankful for the peace the gospel of Jesus Christ brings and the hope of seeing treasured loved ones again, as well as the gift of these new family members.  The circle is ever widening and in God’s family there is room for all of us.

The Fine Art of Eating a Swiss Roll

There are multitudes of ways one can approach the Swiss Cake Roll. 

One could be ravenous or in a hurry and shovel into the mouth eating faster than savoring, or even tasting the little morsel of goodness.  I on occasion have done this for several reasons, which include anger, self loathing, and of course… to not get caught.

One could be sitting in the parking lot alone after making the special purchase (or a ‘junk food run’ – which may include other tantalizing items) destroying the evidence before being in the presence of another person in which you might have to share the box of your tantalizing treat with.  By eating an entire box an properly disposing of the wrapping remains, who would possibly guess that you had such a guilty pleasure?

Then, there is also the ‘partner in crime’ version of this same scenario.  You know… your best friend, the one that would help you dispose of a body if the need ever arose, the one person you trust with your secrets, the one person who would not tell that the two of you have indulged on this box of chocolate heaven until it is no more.

One could also be at home, indulging with a sense of sanity and just eat a single solitary Swiss cake whether in private or in the company of others like a ‘normal’ person.

Then there is the frozen Swiss cake.  For some reason I do not understand, a completely frozen Swiss cake tastes better than a room temperature one.  The cake must be completely frozen however and eaten immediately while in this state.  If any degree of thawing occurs the pleasure quotient goes down.  It does not remove all pleasure mind you.  That is an impossible thing to do to a Swill cake as long as it is in tact.  I warn that the chocolate coating will crumble off… it just isn’t made to stand such temperatures but the experience is still worth the messiness.  There is nothing quite as tasty as a frozen Swiss cake roll.  Trust me on this one.

One could also be at home, indulging in this sweet taste of the gods in a ritualistic fashion… first gently taking the outer chocolate coating off the cake, including the ends (the tricky part), being careful not to in any way harm the cakey goodness underneath.  Once the coating is removed and properly orally disposed of the cake is ever so slowly and gently unrolled being careful not to crack or break the cake apart to expose the luscious creamy white filling enclosed in the cakey goodness of it all.   Then one ever so carefully licks the creamy goodness from the cake, so gently as not to harm the cake in any way, until all the remains is the sweet little cake itself… finally… you can quit being so dang careful with the cake thingy and just eat it… the savoring part is over.  Finish the dang cake, and repeat the process with the next one.

Even Swiss cakes that have not retained their proper shape can still be eaten in various ways.  Don’t ever dispose of a smashed Swiss cake.  Being squished has nothing to do with the flavor whatsoever, it only means a different tactic must be applied in your approach the eating the said delicacy.  Use a bowl and spoon.  Eat it alone, or add your favorite ice cream.  Either way, you have rescued the cake and not lost the pleasure.

Swiss cakes dunked in milk is a tantalizing thought.  This one sometimes wakes me up in the night from dreaming that I've just put this delectable delight in my mouth only to wake up and realize I was only dreaming. There are several methods to Swiss dunking.  One can freeze the tasty cake, go through the above mentioned procedure for eating frozen cakes and simply dunk the cakey part when all the rest of the delicious ritual has been completed.  Another way is to simply peel off and eat the chocolate coating and dip the sweet treat into the milk for the desired amount of sogginess and eat it, double and even triple-dipping of course.  It may not be acceptable with chips, but double and triple-dipping a Swiss roll is an entirely different practice and is perfectly acceptable in all social circles although best kept as a private indulgence.  Of couse if your are prissy you can slice your sweet cake into quarters and use a fork to dunk each bite thus eliminating the need to wash your hands after you run out of cakes.

Swiss cakes either sliced or mashed and added to ice cream is a treat that needs no further explanation, unless you'd like to add some hot fudge sauce and whipped cream to the mix of course.

I am sure there are many other methods to eating Swiss cakes than those I have shared with you.  I am pleading with you for your comments and feedback on this article as I just bought several boxes of Little Debbie Swiss cakes on sale and I’m willing to try new methods of eating them if you have any ideas to share.

The Girls & I Do Lunch

Once a month my girlfriends and I get together and we "do lunch".  Lunch is always 'my treat' in more ways than one.  We don't go out.  We always 'do lunch' at my house.  It is always a cheerful and colorful day and I always look forward to it. 

The entire date is my responsibility.  I set the date and invite my friends.   I do all of the preparations for our day in.  I even go pick them up.  I usually help one of us pick out what color to wear.  We girls can be very indecisive about these things sometimes.

Our time however is limited.  We do have to watch the clock.  The time usually goes by pretty fast.  Especially if we get involved and don't watch it closely.  We have gotten carried away in our fun a time or two and have gone over.  It hasn’t always went well when that has happened. We found a remedy it though.  We now set a timer since my friends can't stay long. 

I always feel more cheerful after seeing my friends.  Sometimes I feel like giving myself a manicure or pedicure or even both after they leave.  Sometimes I even feel so good I go get my hair cut and styled.  My friends can really give me a boost when I've been feeling a little down.  They brighten my whole outlook.  Sometimes others even notice.

I really like my friends.  I will look forward to seeing Sally Hansen and Miss Clairol again next month too.