Necessary Losses & Unexpected Gains

The last few months have caused some major changes in my family.  In May my brother-in-law passed away unexpectedly.  This was very hard for all of us and of course harder on my sister-in-law and my nieces than anyone else.  He had some health problems for a while now but it was still very sudden, and a shock to all of us.  He was a really good guy with a heart of gold and we all miss him.  It has been hard on my dear husband to lose his only sibling.  Although I’ve been through it myself I’m not sure that I am a great comfort to him because I tend to compartmentalize things in my life in order to cope.  I try to comfort him but I haven’t dealt with my own grief when I lost my own brother and only sibling 12 years ago.  Gratefully he was on good terms with his brother and they had just had a really good visit a few days before his unexpected passing.

My dear sister-in-law has been overwhelmed with grief and taking on the family business single-handedly as well as dealing with probate.  Bless her heart; I just want to hug her.  My heart breaks for her.

My dear mother-in-law has been bed ridden for about 2 years now and has been living in her home with caregivers.  She has always been a fighter and had overcome some very serious conditions unheard of for a woman of her age.  She and I had a misunderstanding a few years ago and for 2 yrs she didn’t speak to me.  I didn’t cause the problem, she was just angry about something she and another dear one to me didn’t see eye to eye about and decided it was easier to take it all out on me than address the issue head on and straighten it out with our mutual loved one.  I wasn’t a happy camper myself during that time I’m ashamed to say, but one day I realized that it wasn’t worth staying upset about, even though it really wasn’t my fault and I decided that I was going to face her and let her get this perceived wrong out of her system.  So I did.  She needed to vent before she finally felt she could say “I’m glad we’ve patched this up”, and that was that.  I suppose that was all she really needed; to vent and my giving her the opportunity to do so made it all better. That was over two years ago and she and I resumed our relationship where we had left off before all of the drama and have been on good terms ever since.  I knew I wasn’t at fault and the blame and anger had been misplaced, but I felt it very important to let her “win” at her age. 

It wasn’t good for either of us to be on the outs, angry and upset all of that time and it certainly didn’t need to continue another day.  I didn’t want what happened between another loved one to happen between us and I wanted to be sure that at her age we could both have peace about it when her final day with us would eventually come.  It’s a hard thing to lose a loved one when a disagreement hadn’t been settled between the two of you.  It wasn’t going to happen this time if I had anything to do with it.  Gratefully she and I have had a good relationship ever since.

A little less than 2 weeks ago her condition took a drastic turn for the worse and she was hospitalized.  We hoped she would pull out of it like she always had before, but we knew something was just different about it this time.  Within a couple days she became unresponsive to us and things took an even worse turn and hospice was called in.  Mother always wanted to die at home and we did our very best to honor that wish.  We took her home on Monday afternoon and she passed in her sleep the following day.

This is a fresh wound to our family since we just lost my brother-in-law less than 2 months ago.  It has been especially hard on my dear husband and my sister-in-law.  My sister-in-law was very, very close to Mother and she has already been enveloped in the grief at losing her husband so recently.  Now she must deal with probate in both cases since she was appointed by Mother to be her Personal Representative.  I’m sure she is beyond overwhelmed by all of this. 

My sweet husband became an only survivor of his family and keeps saying “I’m the only one left”.  I know he grieves his brother a great deal and now has lost his mother making his feelings of loss so great.  He says that the family name will die with him since both he and my brother-in-law have no sons, just beautiful daughters, and although he considers his step-sons his own sons the family name doesn’t carry on with them.  This makes for a very lonely grief.  I know that this is to be the case with me one day in the future too, but I’m not sure how to comfort him in this.

On a more positive note however, our family has grown a great deal since March when we gained a new daughter-in-law when our youngest son eloped.  She is such a sweet girl too.  Less than 3 weeks later we had the happy occasion of having a beautiful grand-daughter come into this world and light up our world with sunshine.  But this is not all... We were recently surprised by the announcement of our middle son that he was going to get married, and we now not only have another beautiful daughter-in-law but a new 2 year old grandson.  All our boys are married now and we now have 3 grandchildren from them.

I already miss my Mother-in-law even though it’s only been a few short days since her passing.  I can say unequivocally that she spread her rose petals in this life and greatly touched the lives of many.  She made a difference.

I miss my brother-in-law too.  He was a great service to our country, a wonderful father and grandfather and he too touched many, many lives.  His sweet wife and he together built a life and a legacy for their posterity.  His example of charity and kindness is his legacy to us and he made a difference for so many people.

In less than 4 months we have gained 4 beautiful family members & sadly lost 2.  We have been blessed in so many ways with the people in our lives.  Thankfully we have the peace of knowing that families really are forever and ours despite some temporary losses our family circle has grown a great deal in a short period of time.

I know that we all suffer losses in our lives and I’ve lost a sweet brother, brother-in-law and mother-in-law who have all touched my life in remarkable ways, whether they knew it or not. I am so thankful for the peace the gospel of Jesus Christ brings and the hope of seeing treasured loved ones again, as well as the gift of these new family members.  The circle is ever widening and in God’s family there is room for all of us.