The Fine Art of Eating a Swiss Roll

There are multitudes of ways one can approach the Swiss Cake Roll. 

One could be ravenous or in a hurry and shovel into the mouth eating faster than savoring, or even tasting the little morsel of goodness.  I on occasion have done this for several reasons, which include anger, self loathing, and of course… to not get caught.

One could be sitting in the parking lot alone after making the special purchase (or a ‘junk food run’ – which may include other tantalizing items) destroying the evidence before being in the presence of another person in which you might have to share the box of your tantalizing treat with.  By eating an entire box an properly disposing of the wrapping remains, who would possibly guess that you had such a guilty pleasure?

Then, there is also the ‘partner in crime’ version of this same scenario.  You know… your best friend, the one that would help you dispose of a body if the need ever arose, the one person you trust with your secrets, the one person who would not tell that the two of you have indulged on this box of chocolate heaven until it is no more.

One could also be at home, indulging with a sense of sanity and just eat a single solitary Swiss cake whether in private or in the company of others like a ‘normal’ person.

Then there is the frozen Swiss cake.  For some reason I do not understand, a completely frozen Swiss cake tastes better than a room temperature one.  The cake must be completely frozen however and eaten immediately while in this state.  If any degree of thawing occurs the pleasure quotient goes down.  It does not remove all pleasure mind you.  That is an impossible thing to do to a Swill cake as long as it is in tact.  I warn that the chocolate coating will crumble off… it just isn’t made to stand such temperatures but the experience is still worth the messiness.  There is nothing quite as tasty as a frozen Swiss cake roll.  Trust me on this one.

One could also be at home, indulging in this sweet taste of the gods in a ritualistic fashion… first gently taking the outer chocolate coating off the cake, including the ends (the tricky part), being careful not to in any way harm the cakey goodness underneath.  Once the coating is removed and properly orally disposed of the cake is ever so slowly and gently unrolled being careful not to crack or break the cake apart to expose the luscious creamy white filling enclosed in the cakey goodness of it all.   Then one ever so carefully licks the creamy goodness from the cake, so gently as not to harm the cake in any way, until all the remains is the sweet little cake itself… finally… you can quit being so dang careful with the cake thingy and just eat it… the savoring part is over.  Finish the dang cake, and repeat the process with the next one.

Even Swiss cakes that have not retained their proper shape can still be eaten in various ways.  Don’t ever dispose of a smashed Swiss cake.  Being squished has nothing to do with the flavor whatsoever, it only means a different tactic must be applied in your approach the eating the said delicacy.  Use a bowl and spoon.  Eat it alone, or add your favorite ice cream.  Either way, you have rescued the cake and not lost the pleasure.

Swiss cakes dunked in milk is a tantalizing thought.  This one sometimes wakes me up in the night from dreaming that I've just put this delectable delight in my mouth only to wake up and realize I was only dreaming. There are several methods to Swiss dunking.  One can freeze the tasty cake, go through the above mentioned procedure for eating frozen cakes and simply dunk the cakey part when all the rest of the delicious ritual has been completed.  Another way is to simply peel off and eat the chocolate coating and dip the sweet treat into the milk for the desired amount of sogginess and eat it, double and even triple-dipping of course.  It may not be acceptable with chips, but double and triple-dipping a Swiss roll is an entirely different practice and is perfectly acceptable in all social circles although best kept as a private indulgence.  Of couse if your are prissy you can slice your sweet cake into quarters and use a fork to dunk each bite thus eliminating the need to wash your hands after you run out of cakes.

Swiss cakes either sliced or mashed and added to ice cream is a treat that needs no further explanation, unless you'd like to add some hot fudge sauce and whipped cream to the mix of course.

I am sure there are many other methods to eating Swiss cakes than those I have shared with you.  I am pleading with you for your comments and feedback on this article as I just bought several boxes of Little Debbie Swiss cakes on sale and I’m willing to try new methods of eating them if you have any ideas to share.